under stress, under attack

I know that everyone handles stress differently and it effects everyone differently, but anyone have a situation where stress is trying to kill you? Ok so that maybe a bit dramatic but I can tell you this, stress is my nemesis. Stress gets me and messes with my head and then starts to attack my immune system and then my body starts freaking out like, "Oh no what do I do?" So then my body makes a choice to help me get through the stress stuff and let the physical attack go on or vice versa. Usually, it is a two prong 'approach'. Yes, all you legal eagles, similar to the two prong test.

So I have this project I'm working on to finish my degree and I'm super stressed and worrying about it too much. But I can't help it. I mean I'm trying and if I could workout (a. don't have any time to, b. not allowed to run which is what I REALLY need to do)it would help. Maybe not completely but a great deal. So because I'm freaking out, I mean seriously, if what was going on inside was outside I would be...imagine some crazed lady running around in circles waving her hands and yelling at the top of her lungs.....yeah that pretty much sums it up. So instead all that chaos and worry is stuck inside and thus preventing me from not only sleeping but driving me nuts. I mean I'm feeling less sane than I normally do which is saying alot. :(

Normally, in the past, grad school stress and worry is mitigated by my grad school comrades. They calm me down, help me get some perspective, give me alcohol all those things lead to a much more calm, relaxed, fun me. However, they aren't here. :( And furthermore, they aren't in grad school anymore so they've left behind that feeling of ridiculous and irrational fear that someone holds your future in his/her hands.

Since I've moved back I haven't always felt like I had a support system like I did when I lived in the b-lo. That is mostly because three of the main people that used to do the above aren't as easily accessible as they were before.

1. Eric - Eric and I are complete opposites. I mean seriously COMPLETELY opposite. But for some reason that works for us. Like that ying and yang thing. He knows how to handle me to a, well, T. I always make fun of him for being boring and tell him I feel so bad for Olivia (his wife) that she married such a boring guy. I mean that of course only in the best way possible and express it with affection. He puts up with my crazy ideas and frequent ditzy comments. We always put together great dinners in grad school and worked awesome when it came to group projects. He would listen as I spoke without breathing creating incoherent, emotional statements and after laughing at me was able to understand my point and help figure out a plan. Seriously though, Eric gets me through my freaking out sessions because he is always so calm and knows exactly what to say to make me stop freaking out. To him, I'm too emotional and I make things bigger than they need to be because I worry too much. He is usually right.

2. Stephanie - Stephanie is one of my best friends. We make each other laugh and cry. We love each other to death but surely don't tell each other that enough. We are both strong, loud and opinionated. Whenever someone needed a go to gal they called one of us (or both). We always had little things we would do when one of us was upset and knew just what to do to make each feel better. Whenever one of us is in crisis mode the phone rings and all is right in world after some tears and laughs. Thankfully, her organization is my client for my project! :)

3. Malvike - Malvika is another one of my best friends. We met in crazy Hiro Hata's architecture class. Lots of times Mal thinks I'm the one that holds her up and gives her advice. But she does it just as much for me. Our cultural differences create such unique perspectives when it comes to problem solving that there isn't too much we can't figure out. When push came to shove, it was Mal, me and pack of cigarettes and endless cups of chai (real indian chai). We are both daydreamers and we would come up with scenarios of what life would be like and all that was in store for us. Those afternoons of daydreams, hindi movies and caffeine helped get us through the all-nighters in the Hayes Lab.

So right now, I'm not only feeling stressed and worried about the fact that I want to be farther along in my project than I am but now I'm fighting a cold/sinus infection too. I'm feeling a little like a boat lost at sea. All the things that could keep me on my mark, compass, lighthouse, sails, those are in other states. I know they are just a phone call away but nothing can replace sitting around and talking.


Now onto actual tri and training related info (since that is what this blog is supposed to be about, as I've been reminded by a few people).

Hip Flexor Update: I'm almost done with my PT and the pilates classes have been helping me immensely. I see the sports med doc next week Friday and hopefully we can figure out if I'm fixed or not. There seems to be a consensus now at the CVWC that I have leg length discrepancies and that is the real culprit. We shall see!

Book Review Update: I TOTALLY have three more books to discuss. However, one is about running and I haven't been able to try that so I don't want to write about it until I've tested things out and the other two are about swimming and I haven't been able to get in to the pool and want to test that out too before I write about it. Stay tuned!

Tri Events: This weekend is the CTC Indoor Tri at CVAC. I'm volunteering since I can't participate which is good because I can help cheer on my fellow CTCers as they battle through the three 20 min sessions of swim, bike, run! :) Good luck to everyone participating!!!

I hope all of you are warm and well! The sun is making spotty appearances here in C-town so I'll try and send some your way! :)