balance

balance: /ˈbæləns/In the metaphysical or conceptual sense, balance is used to mean a point between two opposite forces that is desirable over purely one state or the other, such as a balance between the metaphysical Law and Chaos — law by itself being overly controlling, chaos being overly unmanageable, balance being the point that minimizes the negatives of both.More recently, the term "balance" has come to refer to a balance of power between multiple opposing forces. Lack of balance (of power) is generally considered to cause aggression by stronger forces towards weaker forces less capable of defending themselves.

I have been absent from blogging and commenting lately. :( I've been so busy and out of touch. It makes me feel overwhelmed sometimes. Like I don't have time for anything because I'm so busy with everything else. Ever feel that way???

Balance is one thing that I can never seem to find. Maybe that is what my life journey is all about learning about balance. I don't mind being busy, in fact I prefer it to the alternative. I just wish I was busier with other aspects of my life than the ones that are keeping me busy currently. It is hard for me to find that balance where I'm accomplishing all that I'm supposed to, honoring my commitments and take care of myself. I usually lose on that one and the two previous responsibilities win. :(

As a result, I feel out of wack and just plain grumpy.

Things have been getting worse health wise with my landlady and I'm desperately seeking new professional experiences and my project is still alive and well. I just want time to be able to sleep more than 5 hours a night and hang out with my friends and take a long hot shower and drink some good beer or wine (or both! ;) ) and get some quality training time in. *sigh*

I'm glad spring is here. Spring is one of my favorite times of year. Not only because it means my birthday ;) but also because of rebirth. Nature balances through the cycle of life. Things grow and decline then die. Every year we get older and we age and parts of our personalities are changing too. This time of year reminds of why things happen the way they do. Because that is how things are supposed to unfold. We are part of it all but not the ones in control. Part of me likes it that way.

I feel like I'm in charge of so many things in my life that I don't want to make any more decisions. Days when I feel overwhelmed with the constant problem solving I do professionally and then the regular household responsibilities, those days are usually cereal dinner days. Why? Because it is one less decision I have to make. I'm not against my take charge self, just sometimes she makes me tired! ;)

I guess it is just all part of that regular everyday learning that we call life. Each day I'm presented with opportunities. Opportunities to learn and grow; to become better at living. To be thankful for all that I have and all that is coming. To enjoy this day, even when you can't wait for it to end. So I guess in a way, my desire for balance in my life is an opportunity. To take the time to make things more balanced or continue the way I am. I want to choose balance. I just don't know exactly how to get there yet.