My first 10K and........

my first DNF. :(

*sigh*

It was very icy this morning in case any of you readers were in hibernation. I almost killed myself just on the way to my car from the house. So we got to the race via Janet's caravan of racers and all was well. It was a bit cold and windy but hey it is February after all. The parking lot was a sheet of ice so when they said go I started running cautiously and didn't fall or slip at all. I was trying really hard to pace myself but I must say that I did my best running so far at this race. :)

I really liked the route and it was super peaceful. I know I've said this before but I really like not being with the pack, it is so much quieter (more quiet??) and I can definitely think more. The course was definitely challenging and thanks to gortex wrapped all comfy around my feet, my tootsies were never wet or cold. My calves are quite another story. There were several streams and really big puddles and a bridge. It was really great, I kept wishing I had brought a camera with me.

So just before the halfway point, my right hip started bothering me, which was disappointing because for as challenging as the course was I was making really good time. The last few weeks I have been working with my PT, Hayley, to figure out what the cause was of this sore right leg. The pain or sometimes just discomfort would move around a bit making it difficult to really determine the cause. We are still trying to figure it out but today might have been the best indicator.

Ok anyway back to the story. I suddenly start to feel muscle fatigue in my right leg then all of sudden a shooting pain in my hip. It felt like someone was pushing a needle into the socket. Now for those of you who don't know me very well, I have a very high tolerance for pain. So much so that I have had what to me feel like 'nagging' discomfort for weeks and they turn out to be serious illnesses or injuries. This pain was very sharp but fleeting. So I did what I have never done before while racing. I stopped. I stood there for minute and thought, "What are you doing?!?! Keep going, keep going." As soon as the voice got louder and more stern in my head I started to move and the pain returned with a vengeance, I could feel my pulse quicken and my breathing getting labored and then my eyes started to fill with water. I kept running and kept saying, "You will not cry. If you cry, you won't be able to breathe and then you won't be able to run. STOP CRYING NOW!" So I stopped the tears as quickly as they had started and tried to run through the pain.

At some point your body just says, "I. HAVE. TO. STOP." And mine had begun that. When I got out to the part of the course that ran next to the highway I had to walk. I tried a few times to start running but the more I tried to pick up my leg the more the more it hurt. There was some tall grass that had fallen over and frozen in big heaps on the ground so I had to lift my legs higher than I wanted to as I walked.

Then I heard someone behind me. The 'sweeper'. He started talking to me, trying to keep me moving. I barely made it over the last stream because it was much wider than my stride and after jumping the last one, I thought it better to suck it up and just walk through. He asked me how I was and I told him that I had to finish even if I walked to the rest. That started to get uncomfortable and all the pressure I putting on my hip with my fist wasn't alleviating the pain.

I had never had such a feeling before. Not since a tennis injury to my wrist when I was in high school which severely affected my ability to grip my racket. I was only able to hide that from my coach for a week and a half. I got caught because I tried to return and my racket fell out of my hand as my I felt my wrist pop. I was benched for two weeks because I didn't report the injury when it first happened.

I was overcome with emotion. I'm not a quitter. For better or worse, I don't give in. Yes it has caused me pain before, emotional mostly, but I just can't give in until I know that I have done all possible to succeed. Until I know that I have exhausted all of my options and tried my best.

As I made my way into the church parking lot, he asked me if I wanted to go on and said that I was only a little over halfway. Just then a gold SUV pulled up and he said, "He can take you back if you don't want to go on. It's ok you know, if it hurts you should stop." I had been in such denial that it was that bad. I was pretending that I hadn't been limping since the first sign of pain, clearly favoring my right leg. I stood there and I didn't know what to do.

I sighed and said I was done and got in the car. The whole way back he kept reassuring me that it wasn't a big deal and that I could do it next year. I was trying so hard not to cry.

I know it sounds silly to be so emotional, but it was very disappointing for me. I always set high expectations for myself and if I feel like I'm not accomplishing things I get very frustrated. All I can do is rest my stupid hip and hope that things clear up soon. I have swimming tomorrow and I'm going to go and see how much I can do. I'm not so worried about the swimming but the getting in and out of the pool. Ha! I can drive with two feet so that will help. Right now it is still really tender and it is uncomfortable to put pressure on it so I have to take one step at a time.

Janet and Elizabeth did really well!!! Way to go ladies! :)

I hope that you all are having great weekends!!!! Enjoy the big game tomorrow! :)