I have been putting this off big time but, I'm finally admitting now. I have a HM coming up in March. March 2nd to be exact. And I'm overwhelmed with doubt, I'm pretty much scared shitless at this point. I know most of you will think that I'm being over dramatic but hear me out.
First of all this is the longest distance that I will ever have attempted to run, ever. And I really consider myself a SUPER new runner; and not in a super star or super cool kind of way (although I totally am super cool, just not as a runner). I started with my first 5K in September of 2007 and now I'm doing a HM!? Holy shit! Seriously?! I don 't really feel like I have any business even attempting this. I don't even know why I signed up in the first place. Well I know why, but just because Monica believes I can do it doesn't necessarily make it true! It just makes her crazier than me. ;)
So I have quietly been having this mental breakdown over my upcoming HM since the middle of December. A week or so ago, I met this woman after a swim lesson who asked if I had seen the course yet for the HM. I looked at Monica and then at the woman, who clearly BOTH knew of a danger I didn't and said "well, I thought of driving it but then I figured I would just let myself be surprised." Instantly, Moncia says, "Oh no don't do that, just wait, you'll be fine." Clearly knowing that if I did drive it and see for myself that I would chicken out and not do the HM. The woman laughed and said, "Yeah, that course is pretty bad, lots and lots of really hard hills." At that point, I think I looked like the fear of god had taken over and Monica looks at me totally dismissing it and says, "Yeah, it is really hilly but you can do it, don't worry!"
Hmmmm.
Ok, confidence is still not restored.
Seriously 13 miles what was I thinking!? I know that I am always pushing myself and pushing hard and I always think I could do more but for the first time in my life I'm quietly screaming inside that this really is crazy. I had totally planned this great training schedule so I would be ready and I didn't follow it. I'm sure I'm increasing my mileage too quickly. I'm sure I'm pushing myself over the line. But I can't not follow through with this. That just isn't who I am. I have no delusions of grandeur, don't be concerned there. I mean I'm only running about 13-15min miles right now. :( If I actually live to finish the race, I expect that 3 hours is the best I can count on. 3 H-O-U-R-S! Can I SERIOUSLY run for 3 HOURS even with walk breaks!? AAAAAHHHHH!!!
*breathing deeply*
I don't know. Who knows, what will happen. All I can do is try. Try and not die. ;)
Ok I feel a bit better now, thanks for listening everyone! *HUGS*
2 comments:
hey tracie...
don't knock yourself over perceived in-efficiencies in your training or whatever.
just keep buckling down on the training..and as silly as it sounds...take each workout..one by one. don't look too far ahead or you'll run into the tree 30 feet ahead of you.
you will paralyze yourself emotionally..
you will do fine.
keep it the good training.
Seriously it is better to be undertrained than to try to ramp your mileage up too quickly. Definitely follow the rule of more more than 10% increases per week in weekly mileage.
It is good you know the difficulty of the course. You can build your plan around it. Perhaps use the hills as walk breaks or come up with something else which may work well for you.
There is nothing wrong with a long half marathon time, just keep moving forward!
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